How dare those girls wiggle their butts!

After Cal’s revelation that he has a ‘special friend’ at preschool who just happens to be a girl, I began to wonder exactly when my boys would start to really notice girls. I don’t just mean ‘Hey, that’s a girl over there’ kind of noticing, either. I’m talking about really, genuinely noticing girls

I fully admit that the thought of them eventually becoming interested in girls makes me nervous. They’re my baby boys, after all. I have two brothers – I remember how they started to turn into goofy, distracted idiots the moment they started forming an interest in girls. A pair of boobs couldn’t walk by without them dropping whatever they were doing and gawking at the girl’s chest as drool dribbled down their chins( they’ll deny this. but they know it’s true). As their sister, watching this happen was completely mortifying and….well, disgusting.

I know everyone is different. Some of our friends have kids in their early teenage years and they’re still completely oblivious to the opposite sex. They’re much more interested in the Hunger Games and the possibility of a zombie invasion. I doubt this will be the case with my boys. Ro-Ro has been flirting with girls from the moment he could hold his head up. One of his first full phrases was “Hey, Baby!” (I kid you not. We’d walk past a woman in the grocery store and he’d shout that out. Of course, the woman would laugh and tell him how cute he was, which would just make him do it more. It’s a never ending, vicious cycle.).

Fin pretty much answered my question last week. I was in his room putting away his laundry when he walked in and sat on his bed.

“The girls at school are bugging me,” he told me. “I don’t like it.”

They’re what?! Some girls are bothering him? I could feel the mama lioness rising up inside of me, ready to pounce on those girls and show them that no one – no one – messes with my little boy.

“What’s going on?” I asked him, trying to sound as calm and rational as possible. He hates when I get all worked up about something.

“The girl’s at school – they’re bothering me,” he said.

“Well, what are they doing to you? Are they saying mean things?” I put down the shirt I was holding and sat down on the bed next to him, all ready to comfort him and tell him that everything would be fine. Mommy would talk to the teacher about those mean girls.

“No.”

“How are they bugging you?” I asked, putting my arm around his shoulders.

“They’re walking funny.”

Uh…what?

“What do you mean, Honey?” I asked him.

“They’re walking weird,” he said, looking rather serious, “and I don’t like it.”

“How are they walking?” He was going to have to explain this one. I had no clue what he was talking about.

“When the girls at my school walk, they wiggle their butts and shake them from side to side. It’s bothering me.”

It took a lot of self restraint not to laugh at that moment. If I let out even the slightest giggle, he would be devastated and completely close up. As far as he was concerned, this was a very serious matter.

“They wiggle their butts? What do you mean?” I asked him.

“Like this!” he said as he stood up from the bed and walked across the room, shaking his bum and moving his hips from side to side with each step. It was quickly becoming really difficult not to laugh. I deserve at least a pat on the back for my self composure.

“And you don’t walk like that?”

“No!!” he yelled. “Us boys don’t walk like that. We keep our butts flat and we don’t wiggle them like girls. Wiggling is just weird.”

“So the girls are wiggling their butts when they walk and you noticed it and you don’t like it.” I just wanted to make sure that I was really hearing him correctly.

“Yeah, I don’t know why they don’t just walk flat like boys.”

“So they’re wiggling.”

“Yes, it’s DISTRACTING me.” he said, clearly annoyed by this whole situation.

I felt rather relieved that I wouldn’t have to march into school the next day to complain about a bunch of bullying girls. Oh, no, there would be no complaining from me. And in the not-too-distant future, there wouldn’t be any complaining from Fin either about this butt wiggling.

“Well, someday you’ll probably be really happy that the girls wiggle their tushes.” I told him, cracking a slight smile. “You might even like it.”

He stared at me for a moment, wrinkled his brow and said in the firmest voice he’s ever used “No.”

Oh, Fin, I might be wrong about many things, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be wrong about this. Not surprisingly, he hasn’t brought up the girls’ butt wiggling since. Of course, the hubby was delighted to hear that his eldest boy has noticed how girls walk. And so it begins….

 

 

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